Dear Reyne,

I work in a lab with all men.  I am the only woman in the lab.  I get along with everyone usually, and I do hangout with them after work sometimes at a bar or a restaurant.  Things are usually fine, but they do say sexist things.  Sometimes these sexist comments are directed at me, and I find it really insulting.  I am not sure how to deal with this.  Please help.

Sincerely,

Insulted in an Inorganic Chemistry Lab, CA

Dear Insulted,

            Being the only woman in a lab is tough.  It sounds like you know how to deal with the boys most of the time.  It’s good to do things with the group once in a while like sharing a meal or playing poker.  When you spend a lot of time around men, you probably notice that they like to rib each other a lot.  They don’t really hold back in joking around.  Many of their comments to one another are extremely insulting.  This could even include sexual insults.  At best, their sexist comments to you could be just a joke.  They may feel so comfortable around you that they’re including you in their kidding around.  Since you’re a woman, they may find that it’s easiest to make fun of you as a woman, leading to the sexist statements.  If this is the case, you can just speak up to them as a group, or individually.  Tell them that it’s nice that you guys can kid around comfortably, but you would appreciate it if they drop the sexist remarks.  That should stop them without causing much of a commotion.

            However, if you think there is malicious intent behind these sexist insults, you should speak to them individually, so they can’t gang up on you as a group.  Explain to them that it’s inappropriate.  If they don’t shape up, you should definitely go to your graduate student advisor, or PI (primary investigator).

Best of Luck,

Reyne